I have a friend visiting this week. I have been extra tired and things have not gone quite as I wanted them to. Ella hasn’t slept well and Miles is teething or something and they have needed extra attention. My friend has made many comments over the week about what a hard job I have, not being cut out for motherhood, and how she would never want to do that. Today is a rainy sort of day and I wanted to attempt something fun and adult so I took her and the kids to a coffee shop. I spent the whole time trying to keep the kids from spilling their smoothie or getting in people’s way, Miles threw a fit, screaming at the top of his lungs every 3 minutes about something new, we eventually just had to leave and as I was walking out the door, carrying Ella and the diaper bag and reaching for Miles’ hand before he ran into the parking lot I somehow dropped my still more than half full coffee cup on the sidewalk. After finally getting the kids in the car in the rain I kinda half-laughed and said something about it just being another day in the life of a mom. My friend replied “And this is exactly why I never want to be one.” I know her intention with those comments are only as a reflection on her own life, but in my tired and emotional state I cannot help but feel that she has looked at my life and found it lacking. Not worth the effort. She sees me live and says if this is motherhood then it is undesirable. That hurts. It hurts even more because I have been fighting those very same whispers in my head the past few weeks. That my life is undesirable. That this mom thing is NO FUN. That it is just too much right now and all I can do is hunker down and survive until it gets better.
But then as I began to take inventory of my life I started to get mad. How dare she say motherhood is not worth it? … How dare I? I know better. My friend may not see those delighted eyes and smiles when Mom walks in the room, or the uncontrollable laughter at a strange sound or sudden movement, but I do. She may be to busy DOING STUFF with the cool people who aren’t tied down with kids, but I get to feel the arms around my neck when Miles is having a hard time waking up from a nap or the sweet little hand when Ella just wants to pat me to say “I love you.” I get to spend every minute of every day (and night) investing in the lives of little eternal souls who are completely dependent on me. My work my seem mundane but everything I do has eternal rewards. Every dish. Every diaper. Every crumb. They all represent an investment in eternity. An investment in a little life that was created by God. It is such a privilege to raise these beautiful little lives, and discover more about our Savior and His love and grace in the process. There is nothing more meaningful. Nothing more purposeful. Nothing more desirable. The rewards are eternal, but they are also prevalent in the here and now.
Motherhood is hard. Super hard. But it is important. And it matters. And it is eternal. And there is no better job out there anywhere.
“My willingness to carry life is the revenge, the antidote, the great rebuttal of every murder, every abortion, and every genocide. I sustain humanity. Deep inside of me, life grows. I am death’s opposition.
I have pushed back the hand of darkness today. I have caused there to be a weakening tremor among the ranks of those set on earth’s destruction. Today a vibration that calls angels to attention echoed throughout time. Our laughter threatened hell today.
I dined with the greats of God’s army. I made their meals, and tied their shoes. Today, I walked with greatness, and when they were tired I carried them. I have poured myself out for the cause today.
It is finally quiet, but life stirs inside of me. Gaining strength, the pulse of life sends a constant reminder to both good and evil that I have yielded myself to Heaven and now carry its dream. No angel has ever had such a privilege, nor any man. I am humbled by the honor. I am great with destiny.
I birth the freedom fighters. In the great war, I am a leader of underground resistance. I smile at the disguise of my troops, surrounded by a host of warriors, destiny swirling, invisible yet tangible, and the anointing to alter history. Our footsteps marking land for conquest, we move undetected through the common places.
Today I was the barrier between evil and innocence. I was the gate keeper, watching over the hope of mankind, and no intruder trespassed. There is not an hour of day or night when I turn from my post. The fierceness of my love is unmatched on earth.
And because I smiled instead of frowned the world will know the power of grace. Hope has feet, and it will run to the corners of earth, because I stood up against destruction.
I am a woman. I am a mother. I am the keeper and sustainer of life here on earth. Heaven stands in honor of my mission. No one else can carry my call. I am the daughter of Eve. Eve has been redeemed. I am the opposition of death. I am a woman.”
~Christianna Reed Maas