April 12th, 2013

I cannot think. I sit here and stare at the screen for way too long. I could give up and do something else like I have so many other times, but I feel a desperation. It has been too long since I forced myself to write, forced myself to express my feelings, actually attempted some sort of higher brain function. I feel that if something doesn’t change soon I will forget how.

Life moves on, oh so fast. The Monkey is no longer a baby, though he still refuses to walk. I can’t say I really mind, though he had better start soon. This kid brings so much spark to my life. He is still as easy going as they come, and full of smiles. As the weather warms he is discovering the great outdoors and is enthralled. I can hardly keep him in at all.

 

Ong Baby Number Two is on the way. I’m nearly half way done already. Can’t believe how fast this is going. Having a little to chase around does make the weeks and months fly. We are so very excited for Miles to be a big brother! I am already dying to know if it is a boy or girl, and I still have to wait another 5+ months!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The weeks and months may fly but the days, oh, the days crawl right now. I am just so tired, so foggy. I get into a rut of staying home because going out seems so overwhelming, and the less I get out the scarier it sounds and the worse I feel. I know it is bad for me, and I know Miles does better getting out too, but oh, it just seems like more than I can handle. And even if I don’t feel like I can engage people, I need to at least be engaging my brain. Chris and I are working on a children’s book. I could blog, I could read. There are so many things. But most days it seems that I just cannot think. The fog is so thick. I’m feeling trapped in my own body. Starting to feel panicky. I’ve got to push myself to think or I just might forget how.

 

The stages of life are a strange thing. I love my life right now. I love my sweet little growing family. Yet I still want more. I want to breathe. I want to experience it all fully. I don’t want to miss out.

Leave a Reply