Life Today

June 4th, 2013

You know, its funny. I love to write, and blog, and talk, and communicate in general, but somehow as a mama it just doesn’t happen much any more. I was just complaining to Chris how I sat down to journal, purposing to ¬†finally “make it happen” and only got two sentences written before Miles needed something from me, and of course I never made it back to the couch or my cold cup of coffee.

Somehow I always decide I NEED to write just when life is craziest – like this week, when I’m in a wedding this weekend, am going to be away from my little one over night for the first time, need to do meal prep, and clean my house, and go shopping; all before I head out to party with the bride, and then have company next week and somehow get ready for our annual girls retreat next weekend, which I have done next to zero prep for. Help! I am really looking forward to the next couple weeks, but I am overwhelmed too. I think that is usually when I feel the need to express some of the crazy thoughts flying around my head. Maybe if my thoughts are organized my life will feel a little more under control as well?

I feel so conflicted over this wedding! I want to be available and focused to go celebrate my friend and her exciting life change, and be all there for her at this time, but being a wife and mama makes it so hard. I don’t like missing out on so much of the celebrations and I want her to know how much I love her, but I also have a responsibility to my family and know that I can only be away from my little guy for a short period of time, realistically, before he starts struggling.

The Girls Retreat! I can’t believe its that time of year again. These never go quite how I envision, but they always seem to accomplish their purpose. I love to see God work. This year I’m starting to feel a bit panic-y. I somehow feel that I haven’t put in enough focused time with God lately to expect things to go well, but I know this is flawed logic. God will work through and around me despite me, because this is not “my” event, and He always loves to show up and bless those who seek him. Besides, as much as I’d love more undistracted God time, and always try to work toward that, I know that the faze of life I am in makes that difficult, and that I can meet with and worship God in each moment as I go about my day. I still hate feeling unprepared.

Lately Chris and I have spent quite a bit of time discussing our future and ministry and all the things we want to be involved in. There are so many things we would love to be a part of, and needs we would love to help meet. We are praying that God would allow Chris to be able to work from home at some point so we can spend more time serving together as a family. This has been our desire since before we got married – to be able to simply serve together wherever we could, and to make that our life. And yet right now we struggle with that. It seems that life just gets in the way. Chris’ job, Miles’ nap schedule, MY nap sch

edule for that matter (haha). Things like this girls retreat make me so excited, but when they come around I find myself so thankful that it is only once a year. Having a young family is a lot of work, and while I know our family is our primary ministry right now I wish there was more that I could do.

My cousin who has been living in Peru was just here for a visit and was sharing about her life and ministry. The family that she has been living with has three very young children and yet live in a foreign country and head up all sorts of cool programs and ministries. I wonder how they do that. I wonder how I can do that, but also if I should. I firmly believe that my children are my greatest ministry and that I can do just as much to impact the kingdom of God right here in my home as my cousin can in Peru. I know that HERE is where God wants me, and HERE is where He is choosing to use me. I don’t want to miss the opportunities to see Him and serve him that He places in my path each day simply because I don’t think they are big enough or far enough from home. However, I don’t want to limit His plan for me because I don’t think I have the grace to do something bigger. I cannot fathom the depths of His grace, or what He could enable me to do, if He so chose.

 

Here, have a cute picture of my “ministry” eating dirt.

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